Huts for Vets: A Comeback Story
A year ago I wrote an article for my LinkedIn friends about my "near death" experience in Aspen Colorado. Read it here before you go on so you get the perspective of my journey.
Thanks for taking the time to read that and coming back here to hear the rest of the story if you will.
The trip in it's essence was exactly like before. This time however I was asked back to be a discussion facilitator on some of the readings along the hike. It was a great honor to be asked back for this and a bit surprising based on my previous excursion up to Margy's Hut. But founder and executive director of Hut's for Vets Paul Anderson asked for my help and I wanted to be there for him and his team because they had such a profound impact in my life.
I arrived via plane from Denver this time after spending a week's worth of vacation back in Nebraska seeing family to include our newest grandson Oliver Shawn! The landing in Aspen is always going to be an experience for anyone, there are no second chances to hit the runway so a hard drop is the only way down for the Canadair CRJ-700. I liken it a bit to a couple of the combat landings on C-31's in Iraq that I had opportunity to experience. Nonetheless I made it there alive and was again greeted by Paul and driven to the city park in Aspen where I met up with the rest of the team to enjoy a delicious picnic and hike through town. It was great to be able to be on the other side this time. To watch my fellow ASU people taking in the fresh and crisp mountain air for the first time and to see them putting their feet in the rushing creek that flows through the park. I listened to them talking to each other about it, using terms like paradise and beautiful.
I remember thinking..."this is just a city park, and though beautiful it didn't hold a candle to what was to come in the altitudes we would climb."
The day was great and we ended up at the base camp and were treated by the Huts team with an amazing dinner served to us on our family table as we sat on hay bales discussing what was to come.
Day broke and after a hearty breakfast and coffee, the group drove to the trail head. We started just like we had the year prior with a warning about the difficulty of the trek ahead, the only turn around point and how it was okay to back out now and take a ride up. No one accepted the ride and off we went.
This is the point at which things were different for me. Last year, I dreaded what lay ahead of me. I knew we would climb to nearly 12.000 feet that day and that the trail ahead would be up and up and up. But after spending this past year preparing myself both mentally and physically I felt different, I felt like for me this was a comeback! Over the past year I lost nearly 80 pounds. I walked, I ran a bit, I lifted weights to include my lower body this time. I pushed past my aches and pains to a place of health that I hadn't been in for years. I was ready to conquer this mountain and would not allow it to overcome me.
In one of the readings we would do later on the trip, Walking it off: A Veterans Chronicle of War and Wilderness by Doug Peacock I was reminded of a couple of simple lines,
Walk on. The feet will inform the soul.
I walked on. I walked up the mountain, I walked over the downed trees on the trail, I jumped over rocks, traversed the summer run off all along the way to include the rushing waters where log bridges served as the only way across. I pushed my fellow hikers to walk on. I engaged nature this time. I saw things with my senses that I wasn't able to take in the last time as I needed all the energy I could muster just to breathe. The beauty of the mountains came into view this time. The sounds and smells were more pure, more musical than I even remembered. I was in the moment now, I was understanding what Huts for Vets meant about wilderness healing. I began to understand that the readings and communications that we would enjoy together were just part of the experience. That nature, this wonder created by God for us, would be the substance that breaks off of the pain and facade that we wear because of the trauma of war and life. The parts of us that are hidden from others find the light of day because the mountain has a way of doing that.
The last turn towards the cabin approached in the distance. I still had about 1.5 miles or so to get to the Margy's and I saw Paul standing there at the sign. A giant smile came over his face as he saw me and he yelled out, "Shawn, your killing it man! Great job!" I turned the corner, and walked on. I walked by all of the trees and stumps I had sat upon trying to drag myself up that mountain. I saw the places where my wife had previously urged me on, where she had offered me the last of her water to help me finish the hike. I walked by them, filled with joy over how far I had come. I saw the place where I thought I might finally die that day last year. The spot where Paul and Tate walked up and offered me their water and where I made my last push towards the finish line.
I remembered the overweight me, the me burdened by a bad knee, bad back, bad ankle, high blood pressure. I remembered I couldn't breath, I could barely stand, I was dizzy, I nearly fainted....but this time I walked on, I walked on by the old me, the one that was nearly broken.
I let my feet inform my soul. I rounded the last bend on the trail and I saw the hut. I knew I had not been first up the mountain but I was not last either. Not that it was a competition with anyone except for myself. As I saw the hut, I was overcame by emotion really. I began to laugh out loud and that quickly turned to tears.
I had made a comeback in my life. I had persevered over this obstacle, this mountain. I had killed it! I think if I had been able to, I would have jumped for joy in the moment, but alas, I had just walked up the side of a mountain. I walked the steps the deck, threw down my walking stick and yelled some visceral and primal howl into the wilderness. I wanted the mountain to know, I wanted myself to know, that I had done it. I had made a comeback!
Reflecting back on this past weekend, I realized something so wonderful about what Huts for Vets does for all Veterans. It reminds you that you can come back. That yes, war may have changed you and you went through things that no one wants to go through. You may be different than you were before, but you don't have to stay there. You are strong and resilient. You have inside of you the ability to deal with the obstacles that are in front of you and choose to grow from having faced them. So if you are reading this, this is for you. Let your feet inform your soul. Get up and walk on!
Thanks again to Paul and team for providing me the chance and motivation for my comeback. Thanks as well to my family and friends along the way. You all gave me the last of your water and held me up when I was dizzy. You helped me Walk On. And finally, thanks to Jesus for His are the feet that truly inform my soul.
