6 Days: Combat to Carpet
You read that title right. From my last combat mission in Iraq to the day I was standing on my living room carpet the total number of days was 6. 144 hours between hugging my kiddos and kissing my wife and navigating IED laden roads and highways in the Al Anbar Province. Don't get me wrong, I wanted nothing more than to be right where I was. I didn't want to spend another day in Iraq and definitely not in my demob sight. I speak of carpet because it was one of the things I realized I had taken for granted all my life. I spent 15 months on concrete, sand, wood, brick, and tile. To stand on my carpet was one of the most enjoyable experiences I had upon reaching Ft. Living Room. Point blank. I wanted to be home.
And for the first day or so, it was the honeymoon phase for sure. Great moments with my wife and kids and extended family and friends. But something I didn't expect set in on me. I was nowhere near a state of proper transition to handle the new me and new life I had just entered back into. I didn't at the time verbalize it, because honestly I didn't know how to. I found myself not even sleeping in bed with my wife. The bed was too big, I didn't feel safe. I often found myself sleeping on the couch in a protected position. Loud bangs still get me today but that first year after being home, a thunder crash from the storm outside would have me hitting the floor.
Always vigilant in every situation. Over vigilant really. There was the time I remember driving at night for the first time state side. I can vividly remember it. My breathing changed, I was combat breathing. I began to get tunnel vision, I slowed the minivan down to a crawl as I approached to inspect some litter on the side of the highway. My wife brought me back into reality. She asked if I was alright. She reminded me I was home, I'm safe. It took a bit for me to pull myself back to reality but for just a moment. I sped up, came to an overpass, and I instinctively drove to the middle of the road as I passed under. See we had some Soldiers lose their heads, literally, as insurgents had placed tightened wires strung across the overpass at just the right height for oncoming gunners with their heads out of the hatch. I ended up just letting my wife drive the rest of the way home. I wasn't ready to drive really.
I can finally enjoy the 4th of July but it took me about 8 years and then only if I can see the fireworks coming. My jump reflex is still in high gear even today- 11 years later. I'm jumpy, things catch me off guard get me and objects or people in my blind spot cause me tension. The truth really is that I find myself on edge about something even when there is nothing to be on edge about.
Recently I have been thinking that there could have been some extra time spent before we were in our living rooms. Back in the day, Soldiers coming home from war would spend long hours and days on a ship coming back from the front talking things over with their brothers. They would have talked of the good, the bad, and the ugly. There would be a real time of decompression. Six days wasn't enough. As badly as we all wanted to be home, we were in reality not ready to be. The Army spends millions of dollars preparing you for combat but nothing close to that preparing you for the carpet. We are really left to our own devices. Some Soldiers can't handle it, some turn to alcohol, others to drugs and some even take their own lives. We do all of them a great disservice in figuring that the happiness of making it home will outweigh the residual effects of war.
Some will say we want to make sure they are reunited in a very timely manner. These Soldiers have been gone a very long time and have given up a great deal so it our responsibility to get them home in a manner that honors their sacrifice. Command feels a great deal of pressure on this I know. Every Solider wants to go home, they want the carpet under their feet. Every family lobbies for the swift return from the front so they can embrace their Soldier and have them once again an integral part of their lives.
I spent 21 years in service of Uncle Sam. I know in my time, the Army never had a problem telling me no when it came to certain things. No you can't have leave during that time, we are preparing for a deployment. No you can't go off post, we have training in the morning. No you can't eat that cheeseburger, you won't pass the weigh in. No you can't disclose your location for OPSEC reasons. So maybe they take a lesson from their own book here and say NO to sending troops back to their living rooms after being only six days removed from combat operations.
Put some good money in training them to decompress. Have classes on what some of the things you will deal with after arriving home. Be up front and honest about the personal cost of combat. Talk to them about survivors guilt, tell them about what the effects of PTSD look like in case they begin to show symptoms. I know the DOD has made steps in making this better than it was, but we are still losing 22 Veterans a day to suicide. There is a disconnect in the last half of the warrior's journey and I pray that someone who gets paid to make these sorts of decisions will count the real cost of 17 years of war.
