Veterans Day
Me circa 1995
Tomorrow we again, as a country, celebrate Veterans Day and I am once again pulled in all sorts of directions emotionally because of it. I ponder the sacrifices of all the men and women who have served this nation at home and abroad. I am filled with a sense of pride as I recollect that my grandfathers fought in the war that was supposed to have ended all wars. How they bravely fought through to live another day on the shores of Normandy on D-Day. How if one of them had died, I wouldn’t be here. I think of my uncles who fought in Vietnam and another in the Gulf War and how they carried the torch of Army men for our family. I am proud I kept the legacy serving in Operation Iraqi Freedom and had a first cousin (son to the Gulf War veteran) who served in the Army and now a second cousin who is currently serving in the US Navy. Service above self is something to be proud of without a doubt. That feeling of pride however can quickly be washed away in yet another emotion. Hurt. Hurt because in one way or another they were scarred by what they lived through in those wars and how I continue to try to conquer the effects of Post Traumatic Stress from my time in service of this nation. I am saddened by that and my emotions can span from that sadness to anger at times wondering what it is all for. We won’t have a war that ends all wars. Even as WWII took upwards of 71 million lives, still today we fight on. Honestly, I don’t have the answers. I don’t even know the problems for that matter!
I wish I did. I wish that I could solve the problems that continue to take the lives of men and women in all countries around the world. We fought, we fight and we will continue fighting. We have become by all accounts highly skilled at taking lives, I wonder if we could become as adept at saving them. I want to. I want to be as good at loving and caring as I was warfighting. I want to take an oath of enlistment in Love. I Shawn Banzhaf do solemnly swear to love and support my family and neighbors and I will in true faith provide for them encouragement and compassion in the face of the apparent daily hopelessness, so help me God.
To my brothers and sisters with whom I served. I hope you know how I have a deep seated love for you. How even now, your names pass through my thoughts. We stood shoulder to shoulder, unknowing, scared, brave in the face of danger, hot and sweaty and beaten down, but always able to crack a joke or two. I wonder how you are today. If you are struggling, I am here for you. Please reach out. You are not alone.
