And here we go again…..
I know I have written before about my weight loss journey, but as a person who has struggled throughout his life with this very issue, I thought I might write a bit more about it. This will be different, simply due to the fact that I am over 50 now and things are different for me in this space now. The challenge is the same but what I need to do to get there is more difficult than it used to be.
As far back as I can remember, I have been overweight. I think looking back I was a sixth grader who weighed in over 200lbs. Of course in grade school you can imagine how the kids would make fun of me. I didn’t really have friends because of my weight and eventually out of shear frustration, I decided I would fight back. Then I got in trouble for fighting of course which put me on my teachers bad side. But what was I to do was the question that kept haunting me. Time does help as does puberty and I began to see some changes in my body, I found weight lifting and sports and was able to use my weight to my advantage in those spaces. I eventually was able to change the teasing into praises for my accomplishments. I was one of the strongest people in my high school and could fight to back it up so I am sure that calmed the whispers if there were any to a dull roar. I kept that cycle going for sometime. I would compete in football where being big was a bonus, but then wrestling where I needed to cut weight, then track where I would again bulk up and prepare for the upcoming football season. This happened over and over again, through two years of college for both sports. Add in there the need to be thin for the Army height/weight requirement and my body and my psyche were a complete mess. But year two of college football led to two career ending injuries, my second dislocated shoulder and I blew out my knee. You are probably thinking with my cycle that I was sure to gain weight. I did. I healed, I came back, I lost the weight so they wouldn’t kick me out of the Army. But gained it again, lost it again, over and over just like I had done so many sports seasons before.
I write these things to say that I am not sure where I go again this time. I know that with my career choice that I have pressure to look a certain way. I am using it to push me towards yet another weight loss goal and I hope to achieve it. But then what? What will keep me from cycling again on the same groundhogs day, yoyo weight gain and weight loss rollercoaster I have been on for all of these years. It can’t be good on my poor body to change so many times. Some of you know this but some don’t. I have been as heavy as 300lbs and as light as 184lbs in the last 30 years. I have fluctuated between 220-265 pounds during the last 4 years. The up and the down. At 51 I notice this isn’t as easy as it once was. My body hurts, my joints and muscles don’t heal as quickly as they once did so it is making it more difficult. And if I am being honest, I enjoy a social life now where some adult beverages are consumed. Seems I have myself in quite a conundrum doesn’t it!
Is this a blog to whine? Maybe a little. But mostly it is to say this. You may look at people around you and think, man they have it all together. They have a good job, great family life, awesome this and awesome that and yet underneath all of that, they have a past, perhaps a difficult one with trauma and the like and all things didn’t come easy to them. They might be struggling, they may be on a roller coaster of emotions, or weight gain and loss. They may be hurting and need you to support them, to help raise them up when they are down. They may be wandering a bit like I am right now with the unknown of what is next. Maybe you can be there to be a sounding board like you are for me right now. Let them pour our their heart for a minute, it might be all it takes to help them turn the corner.
Lastly, if you are reading this and you are like I was about 15 days ago and wondering if you should start your weight loss journey again and wondering if it is even worth it…..It is….You are. I will blog again when I arrive (hopefully) at my eventual goal to let you know if I made it.
The photo above is me after the last 15 days. I carry a lot of weight in my face and have seen a quick “transformation” there, now if I could just get the rest of my body to follow suit! Love you all and blessings and good vibes to each of you today.
