From impostering to fostering
Dear readers, I know it has been a while since I last wrote to you. I have missed you! I have found myself, trying to figure out who I am in this new role. It is important to note that getting one’s dream job and doing one’s dream job are two entirely different things. I had full confidence in myself and my ability to interview for this position and had a good feeling about where I stood in the possible appointment. Then there was this thought, okay, Shawn, now that you have the job what are you going to do? Then there is the aptly named imposter syndrome. I was standing in rooms (with very important people), attending events, on rooftops and in suites, that I had never been a part of before and I had this little voice in my head saying things like, “Shawn, you aren’t supposed to be a part of these types of crowds”, “You are just small town kid from rural America, who do you think you are?!” and “Shawn, they are going to see right through you, and find you out.” and my personal favorite, “You know Shawn, maybe they should have hired a shiny commissioned officer and not some retired old Sergeant for this gig.”
These pesky thoughts were about as loud as the tinnitus in my ears for the first couple of months, trust me, but I have in the past few weeks found myself moving from impostering to fostering. I know impostering is not a word but it made sense to me as a verb in the sense that I was probably actively going about doubting myself at ever turn. It caused me stress and discomfort for a while. I was thinking maybe I made a mistake somehow and that getting my dream job might have been a miscalculation.
So you might be wondering what has changed all of the sudden and how did I go from feeling overwhelmed with the fact that I am personally responsible for the success of over 13,000 college students, a staff, a budget, and a culture? I chose to remember a few things. First, I was hired because someone else saw the right stuff in me. There was no gimme to getting this job. A national search was cultivated and I was chosen over all the other plausible candidates by a committee and then by my peers. I did not give myself the job and there are systems in place to find the best fit for the job. That gave me some footing for sure, but it was more than that. I began to look to my amazing staff to realize that they were counting on me to lead them on those rooftops and in those suites, to be their voice and to foster a new way of doing things. When I realized this it gave me my purpose and it gave me my swag back so to speak. Its super important to look into the eyes of those people you are leading. If you look objectively, you will see a clearer image of yourself, it will help you grow and allow for you to foster a stronger team in the end. If you are like me right now and have found yourself in a place where you are staring in the mirror questioning if you are an imposter or not, take a step back and look into the eyes of your team, they will show you who you really are and that my friend will be freeing.
I hope you are well, please take the time to love someone deeply and to be loved deeply. It truly is the magic elixir of life.
