Incremental Changes

First week back from another Treks for Vets or T4V with a group of student veterans and I can once again see changes in me but also changes in others. I had the pleasure this time of working with my good friend and fellow veteran Bob Beard. Bob came on a trip to Aspen with Huts for Vets a couple years back now and I saw something that has changed in him that I wanted to write about here. When we first met, we walked along the trail in the Aspen city park on the first day and got to know each other some. We found out that we both hailed from the great state of Nebraska and we were of course immediately and forever connected by this. See there are more cows than people in my home state so when you meet a two legged resident no matter where they grew up, they are like family! I enjoyed our talk and I watched how he took in the sights, smells, sounds and wisdom of the passing days in Aspen (I was a facilitator on that trip and he a participant). Fast forward about a year or so and Bob was approached about doing a Veterans Day cameo on PBS and was asked if he could recommend anyone else to do a cameo for them and he chose me. We both did our cameos and they now live forever on world wide web. In fact if you google me, Bob Beard will come up in the search if you want to see what he looks like.

The main reason for this quick blog is to tell you how I saw a change in Bob. This change for him was subtle but at the same time I believe greatly consequential. When we were in Aspen there was a moment that I had reached out my hand to help Bob when we were on the trail. I think we were building a log bridge at the time as the mountain stream had toppled the previous one and Bob was working away diligently and I reached down and asked if he needed my help. In the midst of his work he retorted, “No! I got this!”. I understood and stepped back and he did in deed have it. I didn’t think much of it really but Bob reminded me of the moment this past week.

We had just completed the “solo” which is a practice of solitude in the wilderness where our participants are placed out by themselves away from all the distraction of other people so they can connect with their surroundings and begin to center themselves in the now. This is of course a practice we call mindfulness. This year, Bob was asked to be one of the facilitators where as this trip I was part of the executive team that helped oversee the whole process. We both enjoyed a solo however, and when it was over, we walked along the trail picking people up from their spot as we move towards a debriefing. This process can take a while as we are spread pretty far apart to provide for that solitude. As we walked along I saw Bob sitting next to the worn trail and I happened by at about the time he was standing. I reached my hand out to help him up and he grabbed it and said, I won’t ever refuse your hand again! I wasn’t sure what he meant but the story gets better! We had our debrief and we broke out of our “huddle” to move back to our base camp. I started walking and Bob says to me, “Shawn, I just want you to know how much you mean to me and how you have helped change my life!” He recalled for me the story (and I am paraphrasing here) from over the mountain creek and how at the time he was too caught up in thinking he had to do everything by himself, he had to be tough and that he didn’t need other peoples help but what I taught him that day was that it was okay to allow people to help and it didn’t show weakness but strength. We embraced in a hug that can only really be understood by veterans and tears came from his eyes and I fought back mine. In reflection I saw the incremental changes in Bob. Through the course of being part of this adventure in nature he has changed. He was always kind from the first moment I met him but there are small changes in him that I know he is aware of. He is more in tune with himself and those around him. He isn’t taking things for granted. He is living in the moment with all its beauty and complexity. Bob also taught me something that day. Just because someone refuses your help once should not keep you from reaching your hand out again the next time. You really just never know when that help will be at just the right time.